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SEE ALL OUR EVENTS IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER:
VIDEO: Who Are Communists For Kerry?
 "I wasn't sure if my expose of the true CFK story would find me vilified and purged or lauded for Mooreing the truth. Thank goodness the right faction is in control of the Party." -- Comrade Otis - filmmaker, winner of the CFK Best Marksman Award
"Heartfelt and touching, Party-approved view of class struggle in today's capitalist America - just like Fahrenheit 9/11!" -- THE NEW YORK TIMES
"Comrade Otis makes a persuasive case that there is another way to look at things beyond the version we've been given." -- LOS ANGELES TIMES
"...the sort of vitriolic exercise in paranoia that would ordinarily land its creator in therapy." - FOX NEWS
Attention progressive, socialist, liberal, pacifist, anarchist, feminist, or environmentalist debaters! Whether you are fighting class enemy over the Internet, in school, or at your parent's house over dinner, this tool is for you. No more awkward mumbling or looking for the right word! Just enter your ideological opponent's name and generate a Progressive Truth that will render your enemies speechless!
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Coulter-Revolutionaries
Demon and Idol
Protesters blast Coulter at the G.O.P. Convention
in New York City last year |
Finally TIME Magazine has written about
the CFK! No, we're not on the cover - yet - Ann Coulter is, that reactionary
neo-imperialist criminal! But we are featured in the Coulter-related
slideshow.
The caption says, Protesters blast Coulter at the G.O.P. Convention in New York City last year. Huh? What, TIME never heard of CFK, the powerful pressure group that acts as a shadow Politburo behind the DNC? Once again you've proven to us, TIME, that MSM can't see the meaning of things behind their glossy appearance.
We don't know how long this image is going to last on Time.com because it's currently all over the Internet, discussed on Free Republic, Little Green Footbals, ProtestWarrior, E-Nough, Viking Pundit, Ex-Donkey, Hannity.com, and even by our fine revolutionary cohorts at the DailyCos.
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Kerry Exposes US Spy, Gets People's Hero Medal Award
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Senator John Kerry, who after losing the 2004 election was purged and declared "non-person" by CommunistsForKerry.com (CFK), a powerful pressure group that acts as a shadow Politburo behind the DNC, may now be forgiven and allowed to resume his revolutionary duties for his successful exposure of a CIA spy yesterday.
At a hearing to discuss the nomination of John Bolton as US ambassador to the United Nations, politicians discussed a dispute over Bolton's treatment of an intelligence analyst, referred to as "Mr Smith." But when Kerry read from a transcript of closed door interviews he gave out the name of Fulton Armstrong that had not previously come up.
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The Cube Is In Your Corner!
The wait is over!
Oppressed workers, peasants, and unwashed toiling intelligentsia of our great American Motherland! The People’s Cube has finally risen over the virtual horizon like the red sun of the revolution, dispelling the right-wing darkness of the blogosphere! This day shall be known as the dawn of Gulagosphere. It shall become a state holiday, celebrated in centuries ahead by spontaneous street marches of correctly educated proletarians chanting Party-approved slogans, peacefully hurling bricks at occasional remnants of the bourgeoisie, and vigorously consuming quantities of inexpensive People’s Cube sugar beet vodka!
VISIT TO THE PEOPLE'S CUBE IS MANDATORY! |
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Lenin And The Wifebeaters
The Next Steps...
Why we lost this election...
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We have lost this election because Americans obdurately continue to believe in old myths and archaic nonsense about themselves. We shall continue to scorch it out of their murky skulls with our red-hot burning Pravda! Re-education is the key! Our agents in the academia, mass media, and trivial entertainment divisions have failed to sway the voting populace into embracing their true nature as a mote of a vast collective! The guilty shall be purged. Our efforts shall be quadrupled. Resistance is futile!
We have put together a list of national myths entertained by our foes we would do well to eliminate by stealth or worse in the new Four-Year Plan. Circulate widely.
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Celebration Turns Tragic As Workers And Peasants Re-Elect Bush
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All was ready to celebrate glorious victory. The apartment expropriated from a rich bourgeois oppressor had been artfully decorated with revolutionary posters. Vodka and pirozhki waited on the dinner table as Communists For Kerry gathered around the TV to watch the advance of the revolution and exchanged war stories...
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The Party has made him, the Party shall take him away!
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It is our sad duty to report that Komrad Kerry has been purged for failing the revolution. He has been advised to take a self-criticism session involving a personal sidearm. We will remember him in our hearts as our most expendable apparatchik.
A few Party members have inquired about the Politbureau's course of action in the near future. Komrad Hillary has humbly suggested to take over, as the rest of the Party melts away into the countryside, which is all red, and regroup for the '08 election. Like Che and Fidel, we must now take to the jungles of America to continue the revolution. Like Lenin and Stalin, we shall penetrate the tundra, the taiga, and the steppes of the American Motherland. Keep your Red Star Radio receivers handy, you shall soon hear the transmission instructing you of the Party-approved course of action. |
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LATEST ENDORSEMENTS:Bin Laden For Kerry, Progress, And Peace
Osama Bin Laden, the Omnipotent Leader of the Third World's Progressive Forces, has transmitted an endorsement for Comrade Kerry by declaring that all Bush-voting States will be retaliated against by the Tolerant Civil-Libertarian Freedom Fighters.
In response to the message delivered via Al Jazeera People’s Network, millions of Spaniards observed that if it were not for Bush's neo-con, war-mongering policies, Spain too might have received a pre-election video from the Omnipotent Leader, instead of the explosive endorsement received by 200 Spaniards on the train to work, on March 11th 2004, three days before the Spanish National Election.
Bin Laden also said in his pre-election October surprise video that his goal is to bankrupt the US economy. Incidentally this goal is also shared by communists, socialists, and all progressive peace-loving admirers of Karl Marx and Noam Chomsky. What's good for the Third World is good for America!
Stay United With Bin Laden For Peace And Justice!
Vote Kerry!
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International Coalition of Dead Voters Endorses
John Kerry
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The International Coalition of Dead Voters has always supported progressive causes, being the most dedicated constituency of the Democratic Party. Consistently voting for the political Left they are playing an increasingly important role in the American democratic process. It is important that this Halloween all dead people of good will, again, take advantage of early voting and cast their vote for John Kerry.
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Vote Kerry - Return The Good Old Oil For
Food Era!
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In response to recent allegations of illegal funding, CFK wishes it be known that our revolutionary activities are fueled solely by the will of the people, and not by George Soros or illegal contributions from the former Ba'ath government of Iraq laundered by A.N.S.W.E.R. Unlike Kojo Annan and Saddam Hussein, we did not become enriched by the Oil for Food program. We did not use the money we didn't accept from Ramsey Clark to instigate riots and protests. We had no knowledge that the money Clark never funneled to us from Iraq through A.N.S.W.E.R. was illegally siphoned from the Oil for Food program, and if we did, we would never have used it for treason and sedition we didn't commit...
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Operation Red Nuisance Rising
The Party extends its gratitude to all the loyal workers and peasants who showed up for this revolution. Your zeal has been noticed.
Our pre-approved objective was to re-educate workers and peasants about John Kerry's Nuisance Project, John Kerry's Four-Year Plan for America, and other burning issues. But Fidel Castro's unauthorized fall and subsequent absence at our rally has caused a change of plans...
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Communists For Kerry in Paris: The French Chapter
American expatriots with some French comrades have done a great job representing us (and ProtestWarriors) at a pro-Kerry rally beneath the Eiffel Tower.
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Kerry Declares Terror A Non-Word,
Americans Feel Safe Again
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Once terror becomes a non-word, war on terror will end by itself. Clearly, fighting a non-entity is not only irrational, it is self-destructive. Those still bent on fighting terror will be dispatched to state-run mental institutions to be treated by Party-appointed professionals. ''We have to get back to the place we were, where terrorists are not the focus of our lives, but they're a nuisance. […] We're never going to end prostitution. We're never going to end illegal gambling," John Kerry said to New York Times Magazine when asked "what it would take for Americans to feel safe again."
All subordinate news media (aka "mainstream") are hereby directed to eliminate the words "terror" and "terrorism" from their language. Use the words "nuisance, bother, annoyance, irritation, pest," and those standing next to them in thesaurus.
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Kerry's
Plan For America: He is Jesus!
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THE FOUR YEAR PLAN (according to John Edwards)
Year 1: The deaf shall hear and the blind shall see. Feed thousands with a few loaves of bread.
Year 2: Walk on water and cast out demons. Turn water into wine and welfare into jobs.
Year 3: Tame hurricanes, earthquakes, and global warming. Perform raising of the dead.
Year 4: Lion shall lay down with lamb. Battle Republican beast. Bring forth Eternal Kingdom. Resurrect.
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October 2004: Introducing Lenin's New Economic
Policy (NEP)
Big Red! The only gum strong enough for the Revolution!
Klara Zetkin taunts Bush supporters with a pack of Big Red, Gum of the People. |
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Lenin's New Economic Policy (NEP) allows the Party to replenish its coffers by selling brand name dry goods without coming off as hypocrites. On the one hand we are sworn enemies of private property and mercantilism. On the other hand we need to eat. Without the NEP this would be a hypocrisy. But Lenin, with an enormous effort of his colossal mind, solved the philosophical puzzle by creating a highly nuanced dialectical synthesis of antagonistic opposites.
Simply put, profiteering is allowed for Party members only. Our compassion for the people must be compensated. The stronger the compassion, the bigger the compensation.
We were against profiteering before we were for it.
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Komsomolets Rob: The True Story
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Bloggers Expose CommunistsForKerryGate |
Two DNC workers embracing Great Leader Che on Soviet Union Square ( 8/28/04). |
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These two DNC workers thanked us for supporting John Kerry. They thought we were totally cool with our propaganda. We all agree that both Communism and Kerry were good for the People.
All sides of the political spectrum easily accept the idea of communists supporting Kerry. Only such acceptance by one side causes outrage and accusations of bias, but on the other side it provokes a warm feeling of comradeship and inclusiveness.
What do we communists say about hypocrisy? People who live in glass houses shouldn't walk around naked, da?
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Operation "CBS Freedom Zone"
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From now on, CBS is mandated to get their news and views from Communists For Kerry only. This will ensure that only the correct, Party-approved information will be disseminated to the American people. |
Get CommunistsForKerry.com Email Address!
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We now offer to each comrade and comradochka a unique and heroic opportunity to support the Party by getting the "communistsforkerry" e-mail address through the Day of the Revolution (otherwise known as Election Day). Pick your nom de guerre and sign up!
Imagine the warm feeling such inescapably proletarian emails will radiate through interlocutors at academic institutions, media outlets, and weblogs!
Distributed on first-come-first-serve basis to Party members. All others go back to the line and examine educational propagandistic art while you wait.
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SOCIALIST COMPETITION
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CONTEST!
Our staff writers have all gone on extended vacation to collect wild berries, breathe the invigorating tundra air, and reflect on how such experience strengthens the feeling of gratitude to the Party and the dedication to the People's cause.
To tap into potential of the People is the idea whose time has come!
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Kerry To Build Hurricane Shield
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In addition to his previous campaign promises meant to improve the life situation for those who resent the nature of capitalism at the expense of those who are quite happy with it, Senator John F. Kerry has now announced a plan to harness the very nature itself.
"The Bush administration has mislead Americans about hurricanes," Kerry announced to his supporters. "I believe I can fight a more effective, more thoughtful, more strategic, more proactive, more sensitive war on hurricanes."
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Americans rejoice as elites defecate on them
From Yahoo News: Dave Matthews Band, an environmentally and politically active liberal music group got caught on tape while unleashing a whirlwind of excrement (800 pounds of liquid human waste) from their sewage laden tour bus into the Chicago River through a metal grating on the Kinzie Street Bridge earlier this month. This posed environmental and public health risks as a passing tour boat filled with 100 people on an architecture sightseeing cruise was doused by the falling excrement.
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The band said that they did this to illustrate to the non-elite American public where they belong in society. "This sends a clear message to people that celebrities are far more important than average Americans," says DMB's spokesman, John Vlautin. "And take my word, people love it!"
"Our crap is so great because we are educated Hollywood elites on special diets," explains Dave, the group's leader. "We actually started a trend! Common folks from all over America are writing to us asking to come and defecate upon them."
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Notice to Webonaut
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- This datapage is optimized for 400X300 resolution on a Progress 1 monochrome monitor from the Pyongyang TV factory named after Comrade Alger Hiss.
- This people-owned data page (People’s Property Inventory #2983-USSA-77) is designed to be viewed within the Sovietnet and the Democratic sector of the internet. The transfer of data to non-socialist networks especially Fox News, NRO, etc. is subject to Revolutionary Tribunal. This site is licensed under number # 2323/23 of the Ministry of Re-education.
- This site conforms to the Sovietnet standard GOST 1917-10 invented by comrade Al Gore (Great Hero of Invention) to be viewed on your people's own "data calculating appliance."
- A newer version of SovietNet browser to be released in the next 5-year plan will allow you to send email without having to stick a stamp to the monitor. Until then citizens who do not comply will have their monitors confiscated.
- When you are finished viewing this datapage you may wait for kind permission to sit down.
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Ask A Kommissar
Denounce and get a bigger apartment.
Don't fear, it's a free country. For now.
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PRAVDA
Kerry: A Useful Idoloclast
The bourgeois demagogues of the so-called "free press" paint John Kerry as being "soft" on communism. What an understatement! We couldn't have had a better comrade in our effort to speed up the downfall of world capitalism!
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Kerry names Jacques Chirac his Foreign Policy Advisor
Dear John,
Here is a permision slip, you can fill it out and I'll get back to you. However you can feel free to use 2 armoured divisions and 1 aircraft carrier group. Please make sure they are all back at base before 4pm.
Jacques
JacquesChirac@communistsforkerry.com
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Enemies of the People
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Capitalist pig. Destroyed two socialist regimes |
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Capitalist pig. Took down the Soviet Union and Berlin Wall |
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Reactionary chain dog of the bourgeoisie |
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Reactionary chain dog of the bourgeoisie |
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Reactionary chain dog of the bourgeoisie |
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Reactionary chain dog of the bourgeoisie |
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Hall of Heroes
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