IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT:
This store turned out to be a monopoly and was shut down with prejudice.
Indeed, a sacred duty of every class-conscious citizen is to report, denounce, and sabotage a successful business venture – especially if it’s a monopoly. And the CFK State Store was rapidly becoming a monopoly in retail sales of CFK dry goods, as it was revealed at our most recent group self-criticism session.
Why hadn’t we noticed it earlier? The wicked capitalist greed had sprouted in our minds, blocking the panoramic reality of class struggle. Our success turned us into corrupt and complacent bourgeois pigs - and the government wasn’t doing anything to protect us from sinking even deeper into the filth of profiteering and mercantilism.
As every student of Marxism knows, the development of monopolies is an inescapable and intrinsic result of the operation of a barely regulated economy such as ours. We have merely become yet another victim of American capitalism.
On our behalf, the ACLU is currently suing the Bush Administration (CFK v. U.S.) for failing to regulate the economy in a way that protects a well-meaning proletarian from becoming a greedy, corrupt capitalist pig.
Our favorite piece of legislature, the Sherman Antitrust Act, makes illegal every contract, combination, or conspiracy, in the restraint of trade. Since restraint is the very essence of every contract, and every purchase is, in a way, a contract, we found ourselves up to our eyes in illegal monopolistic activities.
To repent was not enough. One way to break out of the capitalistic restrains and contractual oppression was to collect the payments but not send the goods; instead, the goods were sent to those who never requested them. That we did based on our understanding of the redistribution of wealth in a mixed economy.
Today we can honestly look you in the eye and say that we saved the purity of our proletarian consciousnesses by killing our successful venture, following the example of Standard Oil, American Tobacco, U.S. Steel, Ma Bell, and many others, soon (hopefully) to be joined by Microsoft.
We will soon provide you with links to smaller Online People’s Stores set up in its stead, in which you will be able to replenish your supplies of people’s T-Shirts, beets, shovels, hammers, and sickles.
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