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OF THE 2004 ELECTION REVOLUTION But you are allowed
to browse the pages
sure if my expose of the
true CFK story would find
me vilified and purged or
lauded for Mooreing the truth.
Thank goodness the right
faction is in control of
the Party." -- Comrade
Otis - filmmaker, winner
of the CFK Best Marksman
"Heartfelt and touching,
Party-approved view of
class struggle in today's
capitalist America - just
like Fahrenheit 9/11!" --
THE NEW YORK TIMES
"Comrade Otis makes
a persuasive case that there
is another way to look at
things beyond the version
we've been given." -- LOS
"...the sort of vitriolic
exercise in paranoia that
would ordinarily land its
creator in therapy." - FOX
Attention progressive, socialist,
liberal, pacifist, anarchist, feminist,
or environmentalist debaters! Whether
you are fighting class enemy over
the Internet, in school, or at your
parent's house over dinner, this
tool is for you. No more awkward
mumbling or looking for the right
word! Just enter your ideological
opponent's name and generate a Progressive
Truth that will render your enemies
The People's Research Institute
(PRI) has found a way of stopping
right-wing ideology in America
and ending our losses at the
ballot box: we need to face
our opponent's "facts" and "logic" by
learning how to frame the debate.
The Progressive Truth Generator™ will
help you to set the terms of
debate on issues in your favor
and quickly terminate all discussion!
Senator John Kerry, who after losing the 2004 election
was purged and declared "non-person" by CommunistsForKerry.com (CFK),
a powerful pressure group that acts as a shadow Politburo
behind the DNC, may now be forgiven and allowed to
resume his revolutionary duties for his successful
exposure of a CIA spy yesterday.
At a hearing to discuss the nomination of John Bolton
as US ambassador to the United Nations, politicians
discussed a dispute over Bolton's treatment of an
intelligence analyst, referred to as "Mr Smith." But
when Kerry read from a transcript of closed door
interviews he gave out the name of Fulton Armstrong
that had not previously come up.
Oppressed workers, peasants, and unwashed toiling
intelligentsia of our great American Motherland!
The People’s Cube has finally risen over the
virtual horizon like the red sun of the revolution,
dispelling the right-wing darkness of the blogosphere!
This day shall be known as the dawn of Gulagosphere.
It shall become a state holiday, celebrated in centuries
ahead by spontaneous street marches of correctly
educated proletarians chanting Party-approved slogans,
peacefully hurling bricks at occasional remnants
of the bourgeoisie, and vigorously consuming quantities
of inexpensive People’s Cube sugar beet vodka!
is over. Our candidate has failed the people and the
Party. He has been purged and replaced with a cardboard
cutout in the US Senate. But the struggle continues!
The Party needs you, the eager and the unquestioning,
more then ever!
Original draft of Kerry's concession speech
written by CFK
and rejected later in favor of a more opportunistic
We have lost this election
because Americans obdurately continue to believe
in old myths and archaic nonsense about themselves.
We shall continue to scorch it out of their murky skulls
with our red-hot burning Pravda! Re-education is the
key! Our agents in the academia, mass media, and trivial
entertainment divisions have failed to sway the voting
populace into embracing their true nature as a mote of
a vast collective! The guilty shall be purged. Our efforts
shall be quadrupled. Resistance is futile!
We have put together a list of national myths entertained
by our foes we would do well to eliminate by stealth
or worse in the new Four-Year Plan. Circulate widely.
Celebration Turns Tragic As Workers And Peasants
All was ready to celebrate glorious victory.
The apartment expropriated from a rich bourgeois oppressor
had been artfully decorated with revolutionary posters.
Vodka and pirozhki waited on the dinner table as Communists
For Kerry gathered around the TV to watch the advance
of the revolution and exchanged war stories...
The Party has made him, the Party shall take him away!
It is our sad duty to report that Komrad Kerry has
been purged for failing the revolution. He has been advised
to take a self-criticism session involving a personal
sidearm. We will remember him in our hearts as our most
A few Party members have inquired about the Politbureau's
course of action in the near future. Komrad Hillary has humbly
suggested to take over, as the rest of the Party
melts away into the countryside, which is all red, and
regroup for the '08 election. Like Che and Fidel, we
must now take to the jungles of America to continue the
revolution. Like Lenin and Stalin, we shall penetrate
the tundra, the taiga, and the steppes of the American
Motherland. Keep your Red Star Radio receivers handy,
you shall soon hear the transmission instructing you
of the Party-approved course of action.
LATEST ENDORSEMENTS:Bin Laden For Kerry, Progress, And Peace
Laden, the Omnipotent Leader
of the Third World's Progressive
Forces, has transmitted an
endorsement for Comrade Kerry
by declaring that all Bush-voting
States will be retaliated
against by the Tolerant Civil-Libertarian
In response to the message
delivered via Al Jazeera
People’s Network, millions
of Spaniards observed that
if it were not for Bush's
neo-con, war-mongering policies,
Spain too might have received
a pre-election video from
the Omnipotent Leader, instead
of the explosive endorsement
received by 200 Spaniards
on the train to work, on
March 11th 2004, three days
before the Spanish National
Bin Laden also said in his
pre-election October surprise
video that his goal is to
bankrupt the US economy.
Incidentally this goal is
also shared by communists,
socialists, and all progressive
peace-loving admirers of
Karl Marx and Noam Chomsky.
What's good for the Third
World is good for America!
International Coalition of Dead Voters Endorses
Coalition of Dead Voters has
always supported progressive
causes, being the most dedicated
constituency of the Democratic
Party. Consistently voting
for the political Left they
are playing an increasingly
important role in the American
democratic process. It is important
that this Halloween all dead
people of good will, again,
take advantage of early voting
and cast their vote for John
Vote Kerry - Return The Good Old Oil For
For Kerry deny receipt of
illegal funds from the Oil
For Food program through
In response to recent allegations of illegal funding, CFK wishes it be known that our revolutionary activities are fueled solely by the will of the people, and not by George Soros or illegal contributions from the former Ba'ath government of Iraq laundered by A.N.S.W.E.R. Unlike Kojo Annan and Saddam Hussein, we did not become enriched by the Oil for Food program. We did not use the money we didn't accept from Ramsey Clark to instigate riots and protests. We had no knowledge that the money Clark never funneled to us from Iraq through A.N.S.W.E.R. was illegally siphoned from the Oil for Food program, and if we did, we would never have used it for treason and sedition we didn't commit...
Kerry Declares Terror A Non-Word,
Americans Feel Safe Again
NEW SOLDIER GOES BACK TO PRE-2001
Once terror becomes a non-word,
war on terror will end by
itself. Clearly, fighting
a non-entity is not only
irrational, it is self-destructive.
Those still bent on fighting
terror will be dispatched
to state-run mental institutions
to be treated by Party-appointed
professionals. ''We have
to get back to the place
we were, where terrorists
are not the focus of our
lives, but they're a nuisance.
[…] We're never going
to end prostitution. We're
never going to end illegal
gambling," John Kerry said
to New York Times Magazine
when asked "what it would
take for Americans to feel
To The Future: The
All subordinate news media
(aka "mainstream") are hereby
directed to eliminate the
words "terror" and "terrorism" from
their language. Use the words "nuisance,
bother, annoyance, irritation,
pest," and those standing
next to them in thesaurus.
October 2004: Introducing Lenin's New Economic
Big Red! The only gum
strong enough for the Revolution! Klara
Zetkin taunts Bush supporters
with a pack of Big Red,
Gum of the People.
New Economic Policy (NEP)
allows the Party to replenish
its coffers by selling brand
name dry goods without coming
off as hypocrites. On the
one hand we are sworn
enemies of private property
and mercantilism. On the
other hand we need to eat.
Without the NEP this would
be a hypocrisy. But Lenin,
with an enormous effort of
his colossal mind, solved
the philosophical puzzle
by creating a highly nuanced
dialectical synthesis of
Simply put, profiteering
is allowed for Party members
only. Our compassion for
the people must be compensated.
The stronger the compassion,
the bigger the compensation.
We were against profiteering
before we were for it.
Two DNC workers embracing Great Leader Che on Soviet Union Square
DNC workers thanked us for
supporting John Kerry. They
thought we were totally cool
with our propaganda. We all
agree that both Communism
and Kerry were good for the
All sides of the political
spectrum easily accept
the idea of communists
supporting Kerry. Only
such acceptance by one
side causes outrage and
accusations of bias, but
on the other side it provokes
a warm feeling of comradeship
What do we communists
say about hypocrisy?
People who live in glass
houses shouldn't walk around
We now offer
to each comrade and comradochka a unique and heroic
opportunity to support the Party by getting the "communistsforkerry" e-mail
address through the Day of the Revolution (otherwise
known as Election Day). Pick your nom de guerre
and sign up!
Imagine the warm feeling such inescapably proletarian
emails will radiate through interlocutors at academic
institutions, media outlets, and weblogs!
Distributed on first-come-first-serve
basis to Party members. All others go back to the
line and examine educational propagandistic
art while you wait.
Our staff writers have all gone on extended vacation
to collect wild berries, breathe the invigorating tundra
air, and reflect on how such experience strengthens
the feeling of gratitude to the Party and the dedication
to the People's cause.
To tap into potential of the People is the
idea whose time has come!
In addition to his previous campaign promises
meant to improve the life situation for those who
resent the nature of capitalism at the expense
of those who are quite happy with it, Senator John
F. Kerry has now announced a plan to harness the
very nature itself.
"The Bush administration has mislead Americans
about hurricanes," Kerry
announced to his supporters. "I believe I can
fight a more effective, more thoughtful, more
strategic, more proactive, more sensitive war
Yahoo News: Dave Matthews
Band, an environmentally and politically
active liberal music group got caught
on tape while unleashing a whirlwind
of excrement (800 pounds of liquid
human waste) from their sewage laden
tour bus into the Chicago River through
a metal grating on the Kinzie Street
Bridge earlier this month. This posed
environmental and public health risks
as a passing tour boat filled with
100 people on an architecture sightseeing
cruise was doused by the falling excrement.
The band said that
they did this to illustrate to the
non-elite American public where they
belong in society. "This sends a clear
message to people that celebrities
are far more important than average
DMB's spokesman, John Vlautin. "And
take my word, people love it!"
"Our crap is so great
because we are educated Hollywood elites
on special diets," explains Dave, the
group's leader. "We actually started
a trend! Common folks from all over
America are writing to us asking to
come and defecate upon them."
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Ask A Kommissar
and get a bigger apartment.
Don't fear, it's a free
country. For now.
demagogues of the so-called "free
John Kerry as being "soft" on communism. What an
understatement! We couldn't have had a better comrade
in our effort to speed up the downfall of world
names Jacques Chirac his Foreign Policy Advisor
Here is a permision slip, you can fill it out and
I'll get back to you. However you can feel free
to use 2 armoured divisions and 1 aircraft carrier
group. Please make sure they are all back at base